Gift Etiquette: A Gift-Giver’s Guide

Gift giving. For something that’s supposed to be so joyful, can’t it be a faulty-party-popper-filled minefield? Gah! Obviously, at Xperience Days, we aim to make finding the perfect present much, much easier, and – with that in mind – here’s our handy guide to giving gifts that are more this

Than this

When it comes to gift-giving etiquette, the tip top, most important thing to remember is to consider the person that you’re buying for. It sounds entirely obvious, I know, but think about it: haven’t you received gifts that make you wonder if the giver knows you at all?

When picking a gift, think of what the recipient would like – which may not be what you would choose. Do your research, pay attention to their tastes and interests, and, if necessary, hit up friends or family members for ideas. Because if you’re going to the trouble of purchasing a present for someone, you want it to be as good a gift – scratch that, as gobsmackingly great a gift – as it can be!

Of course, we’ve all given – and received – less successful gifts. So, grab a coffee, maybe some cookies too, and let’s consider some of the most common obstacles...

My friend spends like she has the wealth of a Kardashian – do I have to ‘price match’ her gift?

It can often feel awkward, but don’t fret – the answer’s a resounding no. Always remember: it’s the thought that counts, not the price tag. As long as you’ve put consideration and effort into picking a gift, that’s what’s important.

As the gang at Reader’s Digest wisely advise:

They also point out that extravagant gift-givers can probably afford to buy luxury items themselves. They certainly aren’t expecting you to bankrupt yourself in return!

Indeed, Grace Bonney at Design Sponge sums it up thusly:

On the other hand:

Of course, if that doesn’t work, you could always suggest a mutual gift-giving budget. That way, you’ll both keep within the set limit and avoid any potential awkwardness altogether.

(If you loved the spa voucher and the blindingly beautiful necklace, maybe it’s best to keep quiet!)

I’m feeling crafty… is it okay to give handmade gifts?

You might think: how could I go wrong? Giving a gift you’ve poured your heart and time into seems like such a winning, thoughtful notion. At a time when shopping malls are filled with identikit stores – from Boston to Berlin, Tokyo to Toronto – you’re giving something truly unique.

But before you crack out the glitter glue or your crochet needles, there are some things to consider. Namely, are you giving the recipient something they’ll really be able to use or enjoy? Gramma’s in Florida, remember, so she won’t often need that spaghetti wool scarf, and Uncle Ray’s allergic to berries, so a jar from that batch of strawberry jelly is going to play havoc!

A Chicago Tribune piece about DIY gifts includes the following gem of advice:

You also need to mull over the quality of what you’re making, and stick to what you know – and what you’re good at. Baby booties for your pal’s imminent bundle of joy will be less joyous if you’ve never knitted before, and if you’re known to be a questionable baker, cookies might not be the answer, hm?

If you’re as short on expert craft skills as you are on cash, a simple handmade card – perhaps accompanied by a small, token gift – is an achievable way of marking the occasion. Using some fabric and buttons, a bit of paint, or creating a collage of magazines cuttings – there are plenty of simple ways to create a one-of-a-kind card that represents you and your pal/relative/pet. For inspiration, check out the handmade card ideas at Craftsy, Gifts.com, and DIY For Life.

Along similar DIY lines, gifts of time or talent are thoughtful, personal, generous and likely to be hugely appreciated. So, if you’re a crafts whizz and a friend is having a baby, or moving home, you could offer to make bespoke baby announcement or change of address cards. If you’re brilliant at baking, and there’s a big family birthday or anniversary on the horizon, you could offer to make the cake.

Gifts like these are perfect if you’re short of cash and fretting about buying a present. They’re also a great way to gift those who are short on time, or maybe going through a rough patch, who’d appreciate help with a project, a stash of home-baked dinners, or someone to walk the dog.

Should I include a gift receipt, just in case?

It can’t hurt, can it?

If the recipient wants to subtly exchange their gift, it’s up to them. Now’s not the time to be precious!

Everyone loves a gift card, right?

Sitting somewhere between a hand-picked present and cash, a gift card lets the recipient pick their own prize – albeit with a little more tailoring than dollar bills.

Naturally, they don’t illustrate quite as much thought – but that’s not to say they’re a lazy option.

The golden rule with gift cards is to choose one for a place the recipient will actually want to shop in. They might be tickled pink to get a pass to spend in their favorite store, but left baffled after receiving a card for somewhere they wouldn’t usually set foot in. Your teenage niece, for example, might love the chance to go crazy in H&M or Forever 21. Your Great Aunt Bertha, however – not so much.

A friend who’s on a sticky wicket financially might really appreciate a gift card for a local grocery store. As uneventful as that sounds, it could mean they worry less about one of their weekly outgoings. You could even get a card for a more decadent grocery spot, like Dean & Deluca, which allows them to enjoy a little accessible luxury they wouldn’t usually splurge on.

Another option is to buy a certificate for a nice restaurant, a local movie theater, or even that art class they’ve been wanting to take. Here, you’re gifting an experience – and, at Xperience Days, we sure love those!

Essentially, if you’re buying a gift card, do a little research and find out where the recipient would most like to spend money (but perhaps wouldn’t allow themselves the indulgence).

And finally, if you’ve received a gift card that’s likely to spend all eternity lying unused on your kitchen table, visit Gift Card Granny to re-sell it – and pocket the cash!

Cash is king. Can I just give that?

Well now, there are plenty of strong opinions when it comes to this one.

Yes, cash can seem entirely thoughtless:

Of course, you may genuinely feel stumped as to what the recipient might like – especially when everyone already has so much stuff. By handing over cash, you figure they can just buy something they really want. Plus, there are loved ones for whom money is often too tight to mention, so a gift of cash is truly appreciated.

Furthermore, even the strictest etiquette observers will happily hand cash to kids, teenagers and college students. On that (bank)note, the folks at Modern Manners and Etiquette have this to say:

One way to inject a little merriment into some rather plain (however generous) bills, is to get creative with how you present them. This Buzzfeed article has some pretty ingenious ideas, including a cash ‘pizza’, cash origami, and a card decorated with cash ‘candles’. When given like that, how could cash be boring? You *almost* wouldn’t want to spoil the gift by spending it!

And um, what about asking for cash?

This seems a little stickier. Even with your closest friends and relatives, it could appear a trifle grasping – and imply that you won’t like what they pick for you if left to their own devices.

Nevertheless, there are gracious ways of bagging some wonga. If you’ve been saving for something special, for example, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask those closest to you for a contribution towards your college textbooks/ceramics course/trip to Paris. If they know they’re helping to fund something specific, they’ll most likely be happy to hand over the tactile green stuff. Then, when you get top marks, or they see the wonky bowls you’ve made, or receive a postcard from the Eiffel Tower, they’ll get the warm ‘n’ fuzzy feeling of having been part of it.

Save the polar bears! Can I give a charitable donation in my loved one’s name?

You’ve seen that episode of Seinfeld, right? Just kidding.

This can be a nice, well-meaning idea – especially given many of us already have too much stuff, while much of the world needs a hefty dose of TLC. Your friend who helps out at a local homeless shelter may well be touched that you’ve reflected an issue close to their heart by donating to that shelter. Your nature-loving grandson might also be thrilled to hear you’ve donated to a wildlife charity on his behalf.

But this option can potentially leave the recipient feeling short-changed – especially if you donate to a cause that, let’s say, wouldn’t be their first (or even last) choice. Not everyone will support the objectives or values of every nonprofit organization, and a misguided donation could make them feel uncomfortable.

So, if you do want to go ahead and give money on someone else’s behalf, have a think firstly about whether it’s something they’d really like. And if it is, next ponder who they would – and wouldn’t – want to support before you spring into action.

Eek! I’ve been given a gift by someone I haven’t bought anything for…

Oh, lawks, that’s always awkward. Sure, it’s embarrassing to be passed a present when you’re obviously empty handed – but wise folk say it’s best to be honest when this happens.

To avoid such situations, you could consider having a couple of lovely a-treat-for-anyone kind of gifts on hand. That is, if you’re not already the super-organized type with a gift cupboard (perhaps containing items for regifting… more on that later!).

Yikes! I forgot…

We all know that sinking feeling when you look in your diary and realize it was your best friend’s birthday yesterday, or that you’ve missed the post for mailing Aunt Zelda’s gift to her on time.

When your memory fails you, what should you do?

Well, perceived wisdom is that it’s better late than never. So, send that gift along, with suitably sheepish apologies.

You could even add some cuteness to the situation. If sending fancy candy, for example, add a note which says, ‘I may be late, but I’m extra sweet and worth the wait’. That should make the recipient smile, and maybe feel that the belatedness has added a little merriment. Plus, really – who doesn’t like to extend their celebrations by receiving treats after the occasion?

…What if it’s a wedding present that’s late?

For newlyweds, tradition dictates that a gift is given within a year of the marriage. Etiquette expert Cheryl Seidel, founder and President of www.RegistryFinder.com, believes the sooner the better, as she wrote in the Huffington Post:

On the other hand, Xochitl Gonzalez, another etiquette expert and wedding planner, has a rather more relaxed approach to the one year rule, telling the Huffington Post:

So essentially, be speedy and as close to the Big Day as you can – but better late than never!

…What about a belated new baby gift?

Tricky this, and I’ve fallen victim to it myself. Oh, was I sad when the very titchy and adorable Hawaiian shirt I’d bought for a pal’s newborn ended up being too small by the time I delivered it – on his first day of kindergarten (just kidding! He was only a few months old, but already too big for that tip-top tropical treat, sigh).

So, there’s the age appropriateness of the gift to consider, but you’d generally expect parents to welcome contributions at any time. As one new mom I know declared, when baby arrives, they’re kindly given a slew of newborn size outfits which very swiftly become too small. Therefore, bigger and later can’t be a bad thing.

Plus, who knows – the new parents are probably so sleep deprived they won’t remember whether or not you gave little Gus or Avianna a material welcome to the world...

The Good, the Bad and Regifting

Tricky this, and I’ve fallen victim to it myself. Oh, was I sad when the very titchy and adorable Hawaiian shirt I’d bought for a pal’s newborn ended up being too small by the time I delivered it – on his first day of kindergarten (just kidding! He was only a few months old, but already too big for that tip-top tropical treat, sigh).

Ah yes, one of the most perilous problems when it comes to gift etiquette: is it acceptable to regift unwanted items?

Well, it’s hardly the worst predicament to find yourself in. Someone has kindly and generously given you something which you don’t actually want.

How to ensure the gift isn’t wasted though... without upsetting the gift-giver?

The moral heart of this particular matter is eloquently explained by The Emily Post Institute:

Hmm, it’s a tricky one! Thankfully, Kathryn Vaisel’s all-bases-covered guide for CNN, ‘Re-gifting is fine... if you follow these rules’, contains pretty much all the tips you might need. Phew!

Should I send a thank you note?

The very emphatic answer to this, from etiquette experts across the board, is YES. In fact, it’s a mortal etiquette sin not to – not to mention, I’d say, rather bad gift-giving karma!

When my siblings and I were growing up, we were instructed to always send thank you notes. We were told the kind gift-givers’ feelings would be hurt otherwise – though, I’ll sheepishly admit, the threat of ‘no more presents’ was an even greater spur to a present-loving child!

My sister has been exemplary in continuing this tradition with her kids. Since they were small, she’s sat and made a note of every present they’ve received and who it’s from. Later, you’ll certainly receive a handwritten card expressing gratitude for the specific thing you gave, with a comment as to why they love it.

With my brother’s family – while they’re very lovely and very generous – it’s a different story. You’ll never receive an acknowledgement, let alone a thank you, for a gift (not even a text to say the parcel arrived!). I must admit I find this, as Jane Austen might say, most vexing. It’s even led me to withhold from sending gifts for some occasions, because it feels as though… if they’re not appreciated, why bother?

Anyway, don’t just take this from me. Here’s some more learned advice from The Emily Post Institute:

The Institute also has some handy tips for kids of different ages writing thank you notes, along with some printable templates to get you started.

I’m embarrassed to say… I still haven’t sent a thank you note. Is it too late?

As we’ve learnt during this etiquette journey, it’s almost certainly better late than never! The Thank You Diva even goes so far as to quote Dr Martin Luther King – "The time is always right to do what is right" – while having the following to say on the subject:

And finally...

No guide like this would be complete without mentioning the undisputed queen of gift-giving – Oprah. Indeed, you can read some of her heartwarming tales of the best presents ever, here.

But what does one of the world’s most successful women hope to receive on her birthday? What does a person reportedly worth over $2 billion want to find under the tree?

Well, during an appearance on The Late Late Show, Oprah revealed to host James Cordon that she just loves anything bath-themed. That’s right, America’s first lady of talk shows is content with a few candles and a bottle of bubble bath! Then again, we’d happily settle for that if we took our ablutions in a hand-carved, custom-made bathtub made "out of marble and onyx".

There you have it though – a definitive answer to that trickiest of gifting dilemmas: what do you give the person who has everything?

Our work here is done.

If you’ve questions concerning any of our gifting guidelines, or you’d like to suggest one of your own – please get in touch.